Grieving and Euthanasia

Monday, June 9, 2014 Euthanasia threatens the lives of the grieving. My son Frank died in a car accident in 1997. He was 19. He was my oldest child, my only son (I have 3 daughters). In the first year after his death, I wanted to die. I wanted the agony and pain I was feeling to end. Death seemed to be the only way. Yet, I did not REALLY want to die. I wanted the PAIN to die. The second year after his death was even worse. It was not until the third year that I started to heal. I became involved in Bereaved Families of Ontario in Kingston Ontario, and I soon realized that almost all mother's feel the same way. I met a mom - both of her daughters were killed on the same day in a car accident (they were 19 and 16) and she had no other children. We hear stories similar to this often on the news. This pain of the bereaved parent is felt physically, emotionally and spiritually. Some parents build shrines in their homes for their lost child, and never really heal. Some are mad at God. I felt torn apart, physically. I hurt all over. It was as if my body was rebelling against Frank's death. Emotionally I was a mess. It doesn't matter if you have other children when one of them dies. Sometimes, the other children suffer more because at a time when they need you the most, you are least available to them. I can see the problem of euthanasia extending its deathly grip on the bereaved. What about the widows and widowers who can't bear to live without their spouse? We need our governments to put more money into programs to help the bereaved before this is another group targeted by the euthanasia movement. Bill 52 which was just passed in Quebec frightens me. Sincerely, Caroline Yates Kingston, Ontario Posted by Alex Schadenberg at 4:44 PM

A neighbour

I just spoke to a man who told me a story about his mother-in-law who was diagnosed with an enlarged heart and was dying. It was in the days when family members could decide would is best for their members and he quickly took her out of the hospital to her home where she continued to live for one year more. Another friend of mine took her grandmother out of the hospital who also had a serious heart condition and she lived three more years. So how many stories like this are out there.

Engagement

I just discovered a Carlton card addressed to me by Randy: it says Love. Everthing beautiful begins with love. May the two of us be more in love with ever passing day. and may everthing that makes you happy always come our way. We are engaged. He gave me a ring three sizes too large and he said he would desize it. I do not know what happened to the ring but I am sure I will eventually find it. It had a wide gold band and a little diamond on it. He and his friend picked it out for me. They were so delighted in their purchase. The card is one memory I can keep.

Post from December 2 2012

So what happened a year later ... why did staff at GPC attack me and cause a total banning of me at GPC and get the Public Trustee involved. The Ethics Committee did nothing. Randy got sick after December 23 2012 and spent Christmas at St. Pauls....GPC then started to ration his treatment and kept labelling him DNR even after Randy's lawyer said he wanted FULL CODE. Sunday, December 2, 2012 Things are a bit better at GPC.... Things are getting a bit better for me with Randy now that I am allowed to enter Ward 2 and stay with Randy for one-half hour sometimes it is extended to one hour. If he doesn't feel up to getting up I make sure he is comfortable, we chat a bit, and I make sure his television is on. I do not have to take my valium any more as I access George Pearson Centre without anticipation of the stress of waiting and waiting and waiting for staff to bring Randy to the visitor's room. I was so intiminated that I could not speak to anyone for the fear that I would then be subject to a report that I was combative and agressive. Now still under security of course I can go down to his open ward bed and if he wants to go to my place or to Oakridge for a few hours, I help him get dressed and we are off. I recently purchased him a $80,.00 rain cape that engulfs him while he is in his wheel chair outside. He also wears a Steelers hat. I purchased him a Steelers jacket for his birthday on December 10 2012 which I know will make him happy. He is a devote Steelers fan. The same is when I return. I call 4777 Paladin Security on my arrival. They immediatley escort me down to his bed and watch me and I spend a few minutes sometimes a 1/2 hour to make sure Randy is comfortable. There is no problem; no residents are shrieking that they are afraid of me. I am not even noticed by the other residents. Randy of course is more relaxed as he knows that I am looking after him at his bedside. Finally I am somewhat comfortable with this arrangement but of course I would prefer 24/7 access to him like other family members have to their loved ones. I am hoping to access the ethics committee for a ruling to say a two year ban based on staff and visitors who have nothing else to do but target a 70 year old lady and bully her until she had a verbal outburst with staff over giving a stuff toy to a resident is unreasonable. The LPN grabbed it out of my hand and he told me the resident did not need it and ripped it from my hands.He did not ask the resident and the resident to my mind was disturbed by his behavior. Since he could not talk I had to defend my kindness. It was a large stuffed toy. And after two years the LPN is till working there making decisions for residents. The Santa Clause stuffed toy remained for months in the nurses station. I suspect only to annoy me.

I am so sorry.

Randy, I am so sorry that I didn't try hard enough to save you. I am so very sorry. I could have save you for a few more months or maybe a year I do not know but VCH forcing me from your treatment and not seeing you and not being able to talk to staff I did not know what they were doing to you to keep you alive as long as possible. This afternoon a friend of Randy's took me to Canada Tire to purchase plastic buckets so I can store all my/Randy's possessions. Rearranging everything and repacking everything should take me a few days. I just can't throw any of Randy's belongings out yet. it is too soon. I hope all those that were party to what happen on October 22 2013, November 18, 2013, December 26, 32103, and the first week of April 13 2014 and January 29 2014 are feeling remorse for what they did. All of them should be investigated and moved to no human contact duty. .

My Randy

I do not think I will ever be free of Randy. I woke up in a cold sweat racing to the phone as I knew Randy was trying to call me. Of course no one was there as how could there be as Randy was dead. Today, another day lost in tears and guilt for not trying hard enough to save him.

Battery isn't confined to George Pearson Centre

Much like what happened to me at George Pearson Centre on 22 October 2013 The police refused to charge the staff for battery and imprisonment. And staff said it was my fault (GPC assaulted me and imprisoned both Randy and I) and I got banned. Every health care worker including management every six month should have to take psych tests to make sure that they are still suitable for their work. Also hospitals should all have video cameras everywhere and let the patient or family member decide if he wants privacy or not and not the union. When you work you have no privacy, you have exchanged your person for an hourly wage.

Staff at Forensic Psychiatric Hospital in Port Coquitlam accused of abuse

Vancouver, BC, Canada / (CKNW AM) AM980

Janet Brown

May 29, 2014 06:47 pm

Charges of battery have been leveled against more than  a dozen staff at the Forensic Psychiatric Hospital in Port Coquitlam.
Last summer, a disabled patient at the hospital witnessed another patient become violently ill in the open area of the facility.
According to documents filed in BC Supreme Court, the man was calling out for help for the ill patient, but when it didn’t appear to be coming, he became increasingly agitated and demanding.
In response, the documents say as many as 16 male staff at the hospital emerged and took the disabled man to the ground after shackling him.
The injuries are said to be many.
His lawyer says it amounts to “gratuitous violence and deviates from community standards.”
He’s suing for damages.

Saving $hospitalization

 Hosptial EMR are doing this now: encourage death for those who are chronic wtih disabilities and then insulting the disabled by saying that death is their decison..Do we have a hidden bonus $system in BC for hospitals and physicians who do this.

NDY Challenges NYS Medicaid Proposal to Save Money By Steering People to Choose Death Over Living With Disability

Posted: 28 May 2014 03:01 PM PDT

Not Dead Yet, the Center for Disability Rights, and 11 other NY based disability organizations, submitted public comments on the New York State Medicaid Delivery System Reform Incentive Payment Program (DSRIP) on May 28, 2014, alleging that one of the proposed projects would fund Medicaid providers to save money by steering people to choose death over living with disability.  NY is offering grants to Medicaid “safety net” providers with a high proportion of Medicaid patients to reduce unnecessary hospitalizations, and encouraging applicants to implement three possible palliative care projects along with other projects on various aspects of healthcare.
One of the three palliative care projects is entitled “Conversation Ready,” and promotes advance care planning as a means of reducing “unnecessary” hospitalizations.  For this to be effective, people on Medicaid would apparently be encouraged to refuse life-sustaining treatment as part of their advance care plan.
A recent Pew Research study found that:

. . . [A]bout two-thirds of whites (65%) say they would want to be allowed to die if they had an incurable disease and were suffering a great deal of pain, compared with 26% who say they would ask their doctors to do everything possible to save their lives in such circumstances. By contrast, a majority of blacks (61%) and about half of Hispanics (55%) say they would tell their doctors to do everything possible to save their lives if they had an incurable disease and were suffering a great deal of pain.  [Views on End-of-Life Medical Treatments, November 21, 2013]

The “Conversation Ready” project is focused on safety net providers and includes the following requirement:
Identify care coordinators to work with community based and faith based partners to facilitate End of Life planning in a socially/belief system compatible manner to increase patients (sic) acceptance of program. [Pg. 57, DSRIP Toolkit]
Giving provider networks financial rewards for being successful in this effort allows them to reduce hospitalizations and healthcare costs by encouraging individuals to “choose” death over treatment. The method by which the “Conversation Ready” Project proposes to influence people are set forth in The Conversation Project, a website listed on page 57 of the state toolkit for grant applicants.
The Conversation Project makes it clear that the fear of living with a disability is what drives the seemingly innocuous decision-making process designed to steer people away from receiving care.
The website, found at www.conversationproject.org, reads in part:

You’ll see that this isn’t really about dying—it’s about figuring out how you want to live, till the very end.

“What matters to me is _____.”

Think about the things that are most important to you. What do you value most? What can you not imagine living without?

Understandably, individuals do not want to lose their abilities due to an accident, illness, or age.  Yet disability is a natural part of the human experience and people adapt.  It is unacceptable that a government program will encourage people to choose death over disability to prevent “unnecessary” hospitalization and save money.
The Conversation Project goes even further in specifically eliciting fears of long term disability and translating them into decisions to forego live-saving treatment:

What to talk about:

Are there circumstances that you would consider worse than death? (Long-term need of a breathing machine or feeding tube, not being able to recognize your loved ones)

What kinds of aggressive treatment would you want (or not want)? (Resuscitation if your heart stops, breathing machine, feeding tube)

When would it be okay to shift from a focus on curative care to a focus on comfort care alone?

There is no indication that the need for such interventions could be either short term or permanent. There is no information on the tens of thousands of disabled individuals who are currently living a fulfilling life while permanently using these devices.
The role of the healthcare professional should be to provide thorough information and support that assists people to adapt to disability. The medical community should never leverage common societal prejudices against disability to persuade people to forego healthcare in order to save money.
The Conversation Project website also holds out the prospect of life in a nursing facility as the only choice a disabled person might have if they become too disabled.  But what about Olmstead and the New York adopted Community First Choice Option that establish the right to home and community based services under Medicaid?  The state should never promote death through refusal of healthcare, rather than home and community based services, as the alternative to institutional placement.
Our conclusion and final recommendation was that the “Conversation Ready” Project must be removed from the Toolkit of projects applicants could select due to the: a) transparent effort to steer safety net community members to sign advance directives that decline lifesaving healthcare and b) extreme bias against people living with disabilities.
On the other hand, we supported the other two palliative care projects and made three recommendations to strengthen those programs:

• Ensure the provision of information and services relating to the Olmstead decision, Money Follows the Person, and the Community First Choice Option to patients and their families.
• Ensure the provision of independent living information and services to patients and their families.
• Require the proposed “quality committees” to include representatives from disability and aging advocacy organizations.

The full comment letter is posted on the NDY website under “Public Policy” activities.
The Conversation Project provides an example of how common fears and prejudices about life with disability are used to steer people to decline healthcare and choose death, but it’s far from the only example.  Those who push these ideas and approaches are usually well meaning, but are ill informed about disability in all the typical ways.  Nevertheless, when New York Medicaid officials openly link this objectionable practice to saving money, we can’t be silent.  In fact, more disability advocates are needed to challenge this anti-disability approach to advance care planning across the country.  We’ve been excluded from “the conversation” for far too long.
P.S.  Thanks to the NY disability organizations that joined in these comments:  Center for Disability Rights, New York Association on Independent Living, Center for Independence of the Disabled, New York,  Westchester Disabled On the Move Inc., Southern Tier Independence Center, Independent Living Center of the Hudson Valley, Independent Living, Inc., Rockland Independent Living Center, AIM Independent Living Center, SKIP of New York, Inc., Harlem Independent Living Center, and Community Service Center of Greater Williamsburg.