When is a lie cruel?

I have been trying for three evening to talk to Randy. I leave messages and my calls are not returned. This evening at 8:25 I called again and Rick answered. He said that Randy was asleep. A few minutes later I called again as that was impossible as Randy never goes to sleep that early. Another nurse answered the phone and she said she would go and check. I heard in the back ground some discussion and she told me that Randy was sleeping. I decided to take the bus to GPC and I arrived there at 9:05. I looked in Randy's window and could see the television was on. I could see his head move. I could see his knee move vertically up. As I walked pass the nurse's station I could see Rick reading a comic book at the common table and the rest of the staff congregated in the nurses' station chit chattering. When I say to Randy I will telephone him at a certain time and the staff refuses to connect you that is cruel and everyone of them who have been party to preventing Randy from speaking to me should get fired. This isn't the first weekend this has happened. Nearly every weekend this happens. And all it does is create distrust. Randy cannot believe what I tell him. And the staff at GPC think that is okay. Well it is not. How dare they behave in such a callous way. And I have told administration and they ignore me as well.

Visit to Audrey's (home)

Yesterday Thursday 20 October 2011 Randy came for a two hour visit (his first home visit) to my small basement suite. The GPC recreation department arranged it. When I first saw Randy he looks so normal as opposed to the uncertain look I usually get when I see him. The recreational supervisor was so good with him as it was he who navigated Randy from his hospital bed to my place and picked him up at 4:00 pm.

After Ron left Randy in my care, Randy became very vocal with his hands and mouth although no sound came from his mouth. I did not know what he was attempting to say. He was very agitated. He pointed to the letter board on the table and he spelt out with his index finger "FOOD." I didn't know what to do and I couldn't do anything. He can't swallow so he can't eat regular food and he has been hooked up to a feeding tube for the past 17 months. He was angry at me and stayed angry for a good hour until I put on a AC/DC DVD on the computer. It distracted him a bit as did the dogs. However, he didn't want anything to do with me.

I hope when I go and see him at 2:00 p.m.today he will see me. He still might be angry because I did not feed him.
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Learning to Write

On Friday and on Monday I spent my time with Randy teaching him how to print his initials. I was told learning to write is very difficult for the brain injured. It requires much repetition and patience. I was surprised at Randy in his determination.

Today being Tuesday the social worker gave me a "letter board" for Randy. A letter board is a 81/2" X 11" sheet of paper with the alphabet and the numbers from 0 to 9.

I spelt out Randy and Randy pointed his finger to each letter. I then spelt out my name and Randy pointed to each letter. I asked him to spell out something. He pointed to four letters: the first letter was "H"; the second letter was "E"; the third letter was "L", and the fourth letter was "P". HELP. This is the first word he has spoken besides nodding "yes" or shaking his head "no" at questions directed to him.
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October 9th/October11th 2011

I was able to see Randy just for ten minutes on both of these days as Randy was not able to get out of bed. He told me he was in pain. Today as I was leaving I gave him a DVD from AC/DC and he and some members of the ward were interested in it. Randy beamed with excitement that he had something he could share with others. He always liked to share. I just hope that the pain is less tomorrow so I can see him for more than ten minutes. I can only see Randy for ten minutes in his bed if he can't get up in his wheelchair to be taken to the music/family room where we visit for a few hours. The room is very unfriendly and it shuts off me and Randy from the rest of the centre. Which means we cannot participate in any activities that GPC is offering to the regular residents. There was a funeral last week and we couldn't attend. Today the Residents Council Meeting was closed to us. Randy's social skills and guality of life seem to be going downhill each day. No quality of life so why live. A resident told me that the only reason residents die in GPC is because they give up. I am not even a resident at GPC and sometimes I feel like giving up also. It is a very depressing and sad place with a little hope.
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The Truth from a Nurse Published Oct 4 2011

On Sunday evening I spoke to Susan Vickers a nurse on leave from the nursing profession. She told me that it takes three months for a resident/patient to become institutionalized i.e. realize that a residential care facility is the best it is going to get and for them to accept the environment. She also said that only ten percent of a resident's support network continue to visit on a regular basis. She described her work as looking after the abandoned. She concurred with management on my banning as I should have only visited Randy never mind trying to be friendly to others. Now I understand the silence I received from GPC management when I said I would like to adopt three or four residents so when I visit Randy I can visit them as well. Susan confirmed that the staff doesn't like visitors but will put up with them as they know that after three months there is a 90% chance of a visitor never to return. And in my case it was exactly three months from the time Randy entered George Pearson Centre until my banning. Susan opined that it was okay that GPC gave me short hours to visit Randy at times that were inconvenient to me and also that she didn't see Randy was treated in a discriminatory factor in that Randy was being treated differently from other residents as to visiting hours (10am to 10pm). The hours given to me were designed for the convenience of GPC and not for me or for Randy. During the weekdays there is much activity in the ward and he has stimulation but it is in the evenings, weekends and holidays that the ward is very quiet and that is when visitors should be visiting. Susan could see no need for me to stay more than two hours since he can't talk. No he can't talk but he knows that I am there and he can touch me and I can touch him. She also said that volunteers are discouraged in residential care facilities as staff doesn't want them to see what is really going on. The first day I went to visit Randy there were no chairs for visitors. Only visitors who have blinders on and only focus totally on their family member are allowed. In Open Ward 2 where Randy is there is only one visitor there from 10 to 10; 7 days a week except during the few hours he works. This bully sucks up to management and has for eight years. He is the one who makes sure visitors do not return. He makes visitors feels uncomfortable, he never shares even his newspaper, he controls the common area such as tv and food and who can even sit at the table. He spreads malicious gossip and lies. Even residents from other wards are afraid to visit Ward 2 when the bully is there. And the staff is wanting of him as then they only have to deal with him rather than other visitors or residents from other wards. What GPC should be working for is that each resident has a caring friend or two, an adopted friend, or caring relatives that visit more than once a year. There is so much humanity lost at GPC. What there is is the Stockholm Syndrome...identifying with your abusers so that you do not know you are being abused and are agreeing with them. I am told that GPC isn't a prison. I agree GPC is not a prison because when you are in a prison you know you are in prison. GPC is worse.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

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The Unreasonable Man

Today is September 28 2011 and I just listen to CBC and an interview about making bullying a criminal offence. The prosecutors could start with George Pearson Centre... I am constantly taunted and the perpetrators are hidden by confidentiality. They do it in the most sinister way and I have no recourse except to become more and more jaded with the medical system. It has been nine months now and no one has stood up to defend me. The incidents have all been instigated by staff or residents who seem to enjoy the way I am being treated or by now they would have done or said something to me. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Everyone of these bullies must have come from abusive backgrounds. I asked that all staff at GPC be psychologically tested for suitability for working in residential care and I was told that would be impossible. This bullying culture could be ended very quickly by changing the attitude of care. Patients are the customers and the health professionals are the employees and the customer is always right. Simple. But instead the patients and families have to suck up to the health professionals or the patients/residents will not be treated the best they should be. A select group mostly composed of those that work or have worked in the health field know of this and they perpetuate ill treatment of others as long as they think they are looked after. The unhappy psychopath Ann Ryan who died alone said something like "I am on board; cut the lifeline for everyone else."

A quote by George Bernard Shaw (1903).

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

I personally see the world as "just" so I must be very unreasonable.
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3 September 2011

I went to see Randy Saturday afternoon (September 2, 2011). He didn't want me to leave but I had to explain that the hospital only gave me ten minutes. I do not know why. I asked for a copy of Randy's care plan and no one gave me one. It doesn't matter if you are at GPC or VGH the attitude of staff is the same. In 2006 Randy executed a document saying that he wanted me to be his guardian in case of disablity and VGH only honours it now and then.

This past week it has been very quiet so VCH is up to something. When I have these uncertain feelings something always happens.